Back then

My grandparents had a typical immigrant mentality in some ways. Their opportunities in a new land gave them a freedom vastly different from where they came. Although the United States was quite literally on the other side of the globe for them, some priorities stayed with them from the Old Country. To my grandfather, learning was top priority. No one could deny however, his deep devotion to his family, nature, and animals. To my grandmother, who traveled to her new homeland, we believe when she was only 6 years old, love was her top priority to her family and friends. Though she never lost her immigrant pessimism, she did her best to be hopeful to those she cherished the most.

I am a strong blend of my immigrant relatives on both sides of my family. My mother's family had been in the US for many generations but my father was first generation. Because of the strong immigrant influences of my father and the trauma entwined history of my mother, I was born to parents a generation behind my peers. Survival was paramount and the "extras" like health insurance, finished basements, "fancy" food and vacations were not part of my childhood. Farming was something that subsidized my parents' income. Although I never had a curfew growing up, I was expected to help with planting and working in maintaining the garden, orchards and fields my parents kept. I truly believe that farm work is what encouraged me to pursue and follow through with my college educations. I remember the demands of the seasons and the delicate walk we had with Mother Nature. Some years were wonderful, some - not so much.

My elementary school was also quite poverty stricken. The teachers and administrators were paid poorly even by education standards. Everyone in attendance, during the nine years I went to this school, knew and never forgot the ethnicity of everyone else. There was no concept of "white". All of us knew the labels of "Greek", "Sicilian", "English", "Russian",  "German", "Jewish (in the cultural sense only)", "Haitian", "Polish", "Black", "Irish", "Ukrainian", "Jamaican", "Czech", "Mixed" (which was usually a label for bi cultural of some type), "Roman Catholic", "Methodist", "Baptist", "Greek Catholic" and "Agnostic". Religious Jews, Unitarians and Atheists were labels I learned about in high school. I felt miserable during this time. There was a very high rate of mental illness and violence that pervaded the school. I witnessed physical assaults to my principal by parents and fights between students and between teachers and students on a regular basis. The school year went from early September to late June and the school rarely had thermostats set in a way that matched the season. The high amount of chemicals in the cleaning agents, roofing materials and kitchen cafeteria would have been enough to knock out most people. I still remember one school trip that sent several students to the hospital for carbon monoxide poisoning due to an issue with one of our buses. Another involved a student being bitten by a dog, which was roaming the city where we traveled, and his extended stay at a local hospital for treatment. Music and Art were classes that brought out my impairments, from early head traumas, and I despised being in both of them. Because I was a bright student, no one seemed to know or care how deeply depressed and frustrated I was.

I still remember when our 8th grade class was permitted to go visit our future high school and the adults around us saying "Don't expect much from this group, they're not too bright." Those words lingered in my ears for years. On the day my class and I finally graduated 8th grade, I thought "Thank God, I'm finally free!" Although some of my female classmates shed tears of sadness, there were no tears in my eyes. My rage had settled into cold anger and I just knew anything would be better than this. It turned out that high school, though not perfect, was immensely better and I began to see the world from a slightly larger perspective.

This blog is dedicated to my paternal grandparents and the love they showed me. It is due to a deep sense of spirituality and the love I found from many in my life that has led me to the gratitude I have today. My life has been a series of ups and downs with a tremendous amount of learning opportunities. I hope that in sharing my journey I may offer you some insight or perhaps hope into your life.